I’ll just pretend I never wanted to buy a home, anyway

Home buying is a bitch.

Without ever having experienced the complicated process of buying a home before, I don’t have much first-hand experience to base my judgments off of. I acknowledge that fact. And I knew going in this wouldn’t be a walk in the park. I anticipated ups and downs and frustrations and stress. But I never expected buying our first home would be this much of a giant pain in the ass. Like, I just want to give up and never buy a home at this point.

Although Kevin and I have technically been on the hunt for over a year, last year when we put an offer in on a house we really loved (and it got accepted immediately, mind you), the timing just wasn’t right financially. So, while I’m grateful we were able to back out without consequence, it only adds to my frustration that we haven’t been able to finalize a sale on anything now that we’re truly ready.

I realize our two biggest hurdles are location and price; we do have a budget, since we are doing this 100% on our own with no help from family or friends (and I’d like to refrain from ending up house poor). We have a certain lifestyle we’re accustomed to and I’d like to maintain it, so it’s important we stay within a specific price range. Our location preference is also incredibly small; we have specific wants when it comes to where the house is, and it’s a desirable part of Tarpon near downtown that we want to stay in, so naturally it will be competitive. I get that both of these factors make our window of options much smaller, and increase the competition. But c’mon, it shouldn’t be this difficult.

Here’s a horrible math word problem to sum up our house-buying experience thus far:

Over the last three to four months, realtor Gail has emailed Kevin and Julia information on roughly a dozen houses for sale that meet their unique criteria. In the span of two months, realtor Gail has shown Kevin and Julia roughly half a dozen houses that they were interested in buying. Within the last month, Kevin and Julia have made reasonable offers at, or close to, asking price on three of those six houses. Of those three offers, two of the three sellers accepted higher and/or cash offers from other buyers. The third seller decided to pull her house off the market entirely. If Kevin and Julia continue their rate of house-hunting and offer-making, how many months will it take before they just give up and buy a condo instead?

Our latest rejection. I didn’t want to buy this gorgeous house, anyway. Stupid, gorgeous house. I hate you. Stop being so perfect.

The only thing I can keep thinking and wondering to myself while I try not to lose my mind is: why does it seem like no one else in the history of home buying has ever had this many obstacles, or hit this many brick walls, especially in such a short period of time? I’m truly confused why Kevin and I, two level-headed and financially qualified adults, cannot buy a house to save our lives. It’s mind-blowing to me. I blame HGTV and their house-hunting shows for making it look so easy peasy. They all suck and I hate everything.

And I might add that, if my credit score takes one more hit because we need yet another credit pull to prove we can (still) pay for a house, I’m going to burn down the next house we don’t get to buy. That’ll show ’em. Whoever “they” are.

Just because we’re friends on Facebook doesn’t mean we’re really friends

I recently deleted a bunch of my Facebook “friends.” Not because I’m antisocial (which I sometimes am) or because I hate everyone (which I mostly do) but because upon closer investigation, I realized the only reason I was Facebook official with most of these peeps was because of a friendship or acquaintance-ship (not a word, but totally is now) I had with them years and years ago. Namely, back in high school. A majority of my Facebook friends are people I knew from high school. People I haven’t talked to or seen in the decade plus it’s been since I actually left that place. 

Deleting them doesn’t mean I hate them. I just have no reason to keep them in my direct line of sight. Congratulations on all of your life accomplishments, but I don’t really know you as a person anymore and as such, I don’t need to keep tabs on your life. And I certainly don’t want you keeping tabs on me.

More than that, it also feels kind of creepy liking the latest post celebrating a milestone in their career or congratulating their child on doing something significant. Like, yeah, that’s all well and good that you’re content in your life and I’m glad to hear it, but we’re not BFFs so I don’t feel it necessary to applaud you for otherwise ordinary feats. And as the door swings the other way, I only want to share my personal life with people I’ve actually had an offline relationship with in recent years, not a bunch of quasi-strangers on the Internet who don’t so much as send a card at Christmas. It doesn’t seem right. I’m just the type of person who likes to finish a chapter of my life (much like a chapter in a book) and move on to what’s next. I’m constantly moving forward because if I stop and dwell on my past life, I may just have a mental breakdown. So it was time to axe anyone who fit the bill. 

To all those who didn’t make the cut: My deleting you off Facebook isn’t meant to be a huge middle finger saying buzz off. More like a head nod acknowledging it’s time to be grown ups and move on with our lives. If you want to send me a Christmas card, maybe I’ll add you back. Until then, it was nice knowing you.

It

Her eyes flew open, penetrating the blackness, searching for something. Nothing. Her head began to spin as she strained her eyes to see. Still nothing. She listened hard. Nothing. Just silence. Cold, bitter silence. She sat and stared into the dark, trying to hear every insignificant sound that filled the air. She couldn’t hear anything except the trees blowing in the light wind and her own, trembling breathing. She knew she had heard it, or was it just a dream? Could it be those scarlet eyes she had seen had only been her imagination playing tricks on her? But they seemed so deceitful, so toxic, so how could it possibly just be a nightmare? Her eyes moved frantically back and forth, scanning the shadows for a sign that she wasn’t hallucinating, although she kind of wished she was. Beads of sweat began to form on her forehead, rolling down her cheeks and plummeting like grenades onto her sheets. As tense as she was, she could feel her eyelids becoming heavy with sleep. I’ll just close them for a little, she told herself. I won’t fall asleep; I’ll just rest my eyes. She gave one last suspicious look around the pitch-black room before closing her eyes. She listened to herself draw in a breath and then exhale it out, and tried to relax, but then she heard it. It was a low growl coming from the far end of the room. Once again her eyelids popped open and she felt her whole body start to quiver. She tried to steady her breathing, but it was raging out of control and she could hear it getting closer. The growling turned to a dull roar and she could feel its breath upon her face, feel its presence upon her whole body. She stifled a cry as tears poured from her eyes. She choked back sobs and gulped one last mouthful of air. And then it pounced. Kicking and screaming, gasping for air, she fought against its powerful clutch. It wrapped its hands around her neck, squeezing the life out of her. She tried to fight it off but those eyes, those blood red eyes stared her down. She could feel them looking into her soul, into the very depths of her mind. She knew she was dying. It was going to kill her. And it would know her inside and out before it finished her off. The hands gripped tighter and she gasped for air. She kicked and punched but felt nothing but cold, dark emptiness. She tried to scream for help, but it held her mouth shut tight. She could feel her lungs screaming for air, and she knew this was it. She closed her eyes and let it overtake her. She relaxed every muscle in her body, preparing for her final, gasping breath. And then it vanished.